Troy, Jackson and I went to the Embassy to register him as an American citizen and to get him a passport. Little did we know that the American Embassy is like a prison? It has to be the ugliest embassy in Norway and the most guarded. It took 30 minutes just for Jackson, his buggy, and me to get through security. The security guards looked at me like what is all the shit you are brining. Well when you have a baby that baby comes with a bunch of shit. Furthermore when you go out, even if it is just for a couple hours (like register your baby at the Embassy or get him a passport so he can return to the country where he is a legal citizen…you know the stuff they require you to do by law) you still have to take a bunch of shit. Even on the website it says bring the minimal amount of stuff…what is ever minimal when going out with a baby…seriously!
Then I had to convince the security guards to let me take a bottle in (did they honestly think I was going to feed my baby poison or maybe they thought that bombs can be made out of formula…who knows). They looked at me like it was the most stupid question ever asked. Obviously these guards did not have children because you don’t go anywhere, even if it is 50 feet from your stroller without a bottle.
Needless to say we finally entered the Embassy after the guard had to open the bomb proof 100 pound door. So Jackson will finally get his American passport, social security number, and won’t get deported from Norway because he now has his Norwegian visa. The fun part of the morning started when we had to run down the street to get Jackson a passport photo. Oh and the lady made sure to tell us his eyes had to be opened…don’t all babies have blue eyes? Anyways before going to the embassy I checked the list of items to bring to fill out the paperwork. Now passport photo was NOT on the list…parent’s passports (check), marriage certificate (check), birth certificate (check), and money to pay for passport (check)…nowhere on that list was there to bring a passport photo of the baby.
So now for the fun part of our morning. We get to the photo place and Jackson is sound to sleep…sleeping peacefully might I add (maybe it was because he thought it was “party” time from 1-5am). So we blew on his face, pinched his cheeks, tickled his feet, grabbed his thighs, put cold hands on his face and belly…still we got no response. This child was in a sleep coma. So our last resort, being the horrible parents we are, changed his napi and placed a cold wet wipe on his frank and beans. Boy did that wake him up! Now not only was he awake, he was extremely pissed. So now we have this awake baby who is throwing a fit (rightfully might I add). So now we had to calm him down. So finally we got the paci out (Paci=baby cocaine). He finally stopped crying and we were able to place him on Troy’s lap. However, just imagine taking crack from a druggie…they get pissed. So after he calmed down once again, we figured it we would have 1-2 sec before he realized his crack…I mean paci was taken from him. So the photographer got everything set up and right when I grabbed the paci she snapped the photo, which happened to turn out great. So then we took Mr. Grumpy pants home, fed him, and put him to bed. Now if someone would just feed me, burp me and put me to bed, we will be doing great!
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